Airport Doughnut

What is your writing process like? Where do you write?

Sometimes I write during class while I’m supposed to be learning or some shit. Sometimes I write on my front porch or couch or at my desk. I always revise at the desk. If I’m at the desk it is serious. And normally there is some variety of pink wine.

How did the idea for this story come about, and do you actually scrub corn with a toilet brush? ‘Cause that part was kind of gross. It made me not want to to ever eat corn at your house. Just sayin’.

I wish you would come eat corn at my house. After the corn is cooked, it would be okay. But you couldn’t put butter and salt on the corn, because that’s gross. Butter is gross.

I think originally the story was meant to poke fun at a friend’s concern over his receding hairline, which to me isn’t a big deal. But apparently for guys, becoming bald is huge. I just buzzed all my hair off a few weeks ago. I know it’s not slick-shiny bald, but I think I could go shiny bald too. I just worry about the sunburn. Maybe balding guys are just worried about the sunburn.

Oh my god, remember that movie from the 80s, “The Peanut Butter Solution”? In it, this kid puts peanut butter on his genitals and ends up with way too much pubage. That was so funny! That wasn’t really a question, was it? Do you like peanut butter?

I’ve never seen that movie. I am okay with peanut butter, but I wouldn’t eat that kid’s peanut butter.

This story is obviously about Britney Spears. What is the nature of your relationship with Britney Spears? Who are some of your other influences?

I entirely ripped off the movie $9.99. Did you notice? I didn’t think you would notice. Also, bald girls are attractive. I like it when a girl with long hair just shaves off part of her hair on the side. 

You’re an assistant editor for the Black Warrior Review. What’s that like? And can you update me on the status of my submission? I waited a few hours after submitting but didn’t hear anything back so I submitted again. Then I was afraid that maybe you hadn’t gotten it so I sent it again… Is it okay to submit 78 times in one week?

I just logged in and checked and I can’t find a submission by Alban Fischer. Maybe you are submitting by paper. We no longer read paper submissions. If you are submitting by paper or paper airplane, go ahead and submit 78 times per week. It will probably not affect us.

Besides being a convenient way to get writers to make total asses of themselves before all the world, what was the impetus behind the Brandi Wells Review? 

The Brandi Wells Review is a serious Literary Journal, just like the Black Warrior Review. See, they’re both the BWR.